My Addiction

The Time Spent

I used to think that I didn't have a problem and my mother, father, sister, nor brother could tell me otherwise, because I seen alcohol/drugs as a pain suppressant. I needed those things to get me through life. There where at least 10 years in the past where I could probably list the amount of times I spent more than 24 hours sober on one hand. It started out as fun and games, but I finally got my heart broke and felt comfort in the alcohol and drugs because I could not feel the pain as bad under the influence of one or the other. This is just the beginning.... so stay tuned for more of me and others.

The Real Reason

I had a relationship at one point where I did her wrong by hiding my addiction and causing problems between us for the fact that she was getting in the way of my addiction, so it was easier to cause problems and create distance between us in order for me to continue my addiction without fulling losing her, but in doing so I lost her and didn't seem to care at that time, it just meant more time to spend with my addiction. I did not know it then, but I see now that I caused that and not my addiction. I watched from the inside as my addiction took over my mind and made my life something that I didn't want, something that grew my hatred for people as well as myself to an all time high. I finally turned to my family for help and began my journey as a workaholic, consuming my time with work and drowning out my need for drugs/alcohol through that as well as suppressing my emotions, so I did not have to face the life I tore apart and the emotions that came with it.

Day to Day

I did not come into recovery thinking it would be a walk in the park.... honestly, I didn't know what to expect from recovery, all I knew was that I had to find a fix for this addiction. I found that fix in recovery, sure I may not go about my recovery process like everyone thinks it should be, but I do what works for me in staying clean and sober. I walk by faith and the beat of my own drum. I believe that's why I have made it this far in my recovery, because I do not try to be like everyone else and have a set way to recover, I am building my own wings and learning how to fly with them. It has not been an easy process, but non the less, it has been worth it thus far. I strongly believe that is the reason a lot of people do not stay in recovery long and go back to using, because they are living according to someone else's book and not their own, that as well as not fully healing everything that lead you to addiction in the first place. It may not sit well with others, but that's okay.

The Drive

What pushes me to want to have a better life and be a better person is not because of someone else telling me to do this or that. The truth is I didn't want to listen to anything anyone was telling me, instead I followed a tiny voice inside of me that had long been forgotten. I chose to pick myself up off the ground and make my life better than I had previously made it. What drove me to that point is being so down and not having a single person to help me get up. I knew I was alone in my life and I knew I never wanted to be at that point again, so my drive was brought on by realizing I either make my life something and have a throne to sit on or just be another statistic.